Benefits You Can Look Forward To

Many young people who have learned the Gordon Model of building democratic relationships have willingly shared the benefits and rewards they have experienced.

They always begin by talking about their own family:

• "When my Mom and Dad and I don't agree on everything, it (the skills) really helps because we don't let things get out of control and everyone's feelings are less likely to get hurt."
• "I have learned not to yell as much and have learned to be patient until finding a compromise."
• "I know what to do when an argument starts."
• "I can now talk to my parents about anything, and I know they will listen without preaching--even if what I tell them might upset them or disappoint them."
• "My friends find it hard to believe that I have really good relationship with both of my parents."
• "I feel that my parents are my best friends."
• "Nobody in my family is the boss."

These young people also describe the benefits they have received in their relationships with their friends or at work:

• "All my friends know they can come to me with any kind of problem and get heard. They know I am a good Active Listener."
• "I know that any conflict that comes up with my friends can be resolved using the skills I've learned."
• "I'm able to distance myself from my friends' problems and let them be the owners of their problems."
• "The training has made me a better problem-solver when things go wrong in my life. I know how to brainstorm."

There is one final benefit you may not be aware of. Young people, like yourself, raise in a non-punitive and democratic family will themselves to create such a family when they marry and have children. Then those children will do the same, and the next generation of children will follow, and so on.

Can you see that you can make a valuable contribution to society? In successive generations there will be more and more young people like yourself and more and more democratic families. You will be helping create a whole "new species" of young people, clearly different from the typical youth of today. There will be fewer acts of injustice and violence, few juvenile delinquents, fewer divorces, and so on.

In short, you can now contribute to our society by being one of the people who makes democracy a way of life.*

*Excerpt from Dr. Thomas Gordon's F.E.T. Young Adult Resource Book

Has Research Been Done on F.E.T.?

Research Results of a Family Training Program

Two hundred fifty-eight school children and their parents attended a six-session video-based training program that included among other components the same basic democratic skills offered in both Dr. Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) course and Family Effectiveness Training (F.E.T.):

• Open Communication
• Problem Ownership
• Sending Confrontive Messages
• Active Listening
• Conflict-Resolution

A control group did not receive such training. Results of this experiment were as follows:

--> The trained family members were more satisfied with their democratic family system than those who did not get trained.

--> The trained family members judged their communication with each other as more open than before, but the control group did not.

--> Antisocial behavior of the trained fathers, sons and daughters decreased significantly. No change in the control groups.

--> Mothers and adolescents perceived their communication with each other became more open. The control family members did not.

The authors recommend communication training as "rite of passage for families with young adults."*

________________________________

Riesch, Tusi, Thurston, Forsyth, Kuenning, and Kestly (1993). Nursing Research, Jan/Feb, Vol. 42, No. 1.

*Excerpt from Dr. Thomas Gordon's F.E.T. Adult Resource Book

Any Research Confirming the Benefits of P.E.T.?

SOME RESEARCH FINDINGS CONFIRMING THE BENEFITS OF THE P.E.T. STYLE OF PARENTING

Cedar, Robert B.

A Meta-Analysis of the Parent Effectiveness

Training Outcome Research.

Twenty six studies of P.E.T. were analyzed, using the "meta-analytic technique" of integrating the statistical findings from all the studies. The results showed the P.E.T. training to have strong positive effects on parent attitudes and parent behavior significantly greater than the effect of alternative training approaches. This effect endured at least up to 26 weeks after the course was completed.

Coopersmith, Stanley

Antecedents of Self-esteem.

Mothers whose children had a high self-esteem when compared with mothers whose children had low self-esteem were found to use more reasoning and verbal discussion and less arbitrary punitive discipline.

Strauss, M., Gelles, R. and Steinmetz, S.

Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family.

Nearly 50% of children whose parents employed frequent physical punishment to control them were found to have used retaliatory physical violence (hitting) against their parents, while less than one out of every 400 children whose parents did not employ physical punishment had hit their parents.

Only 20% of children whose parents did not use physical punishment were found to have severely assaulted a brother or sister, while nearly 100% whose parents did use physical punishment were found to have severely assaulted a brother or sister.

Baumrind, D.

Child Care Practices Anteceding Three Patterns of Preschool Behavior.

Children who related high in self-control and self-discipline were found to have parents who refrained from punitive punishment, using instead a reasoning approach - that is, messages that told the children the negative effects of their behavior on others (P.E.T. I-Messages).

Baldwin, A.L. Kalhorn, J. and Breese, F.

Patterns of Parent Behavior.

Children of democratic parents, as compared with those of autocratic or permissive parents, received higher ratings from teachers in originality, planfulness, patience, curiosity. They also held more leadership positions in school, scored higher in emotional adjustment and maturity, and showed an increase in I.Q. over the years.

Parke, R.

Effectiveness of Punishment as an Interaction of Intensity, Timing, Agent Nurturance and Cognitive Structuring.

"Cognitive messages" (P.E.T. I-Messages) were more influential than punishment in preventing children from playing with prohibited toys, even in the absence of the researcher. The effects of I-Messages as a deterrent continued over time, whereas the effects of punishment wore off.

*Excerpt from P.E.T. Participant Workbook

Does Parenting Have to Be Scary?

PARENTING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SO SCARY

Parenthood need not be a different and demanding experience that brings problems, worries and anxiety. One survey by parent trainer, Dr. Harold Minden, found that the responses of hundreds of parents to the question, "How would you rate your parenting experience?" was as follows:

22% answered "fulfilling and positive"

37% answered "moderately fulfilling"

41% answered "frustrating and negative"

Dr. Minden also found that 69% of the satisfied parents said they would enroll in a parent training course, but only 37% of the frustrated and negative parents said they would do so. It appeared they did not recognize the need for assistance in parenting. Those parents typically think that how kids turn out is outside their control--a matter of luck.

We now know without a doubt that parents who take training and learn how to create democratic, non-authoritarian, partnership relationships with both their spouses and their children will build happy marriages and create a "new species of children." Here is a list of the characteristics of this new species:

--> They make sure their own needs get met, yet are sensitive when others may be affected negatively.

--> They are very sensitive to all forms of unfairness they see in their world.

--> They treat their friends the way they have been treated at home--they are good listeners, good counselors, good confronters, good problem-solvers.

--> They are mature for their age, fun-loving, playful.

--> They want their needs met, yet are unselfish, altruistic and giving to others.

--> They have less need to be dependent on other people--yet they have friendships and make friends easily.

--> They are less afraid of being laughed at, less afraid of what people will say, more individualistic.

--> They are relatively unfrightened by the unknown, and they don't just cling to the familiar.

--> They have a high degree of self-acceptance--accepting the way they are, yet this somehow frees them to change and improve themselves.

*Excerpt from Family Effectiveness Training (F.E.T.) Adult Resource Book

How to choose the right parenting program for you

By Linda Adams, President of Gordon Training International

When Dr. Gordon taught the first P.E.T. class in 1962, parent training was a brand-new idea. At that time, most parents felt that they didn’t need training—that the way their parents had raised them was good enough. Still the idea caught on and in 1975, the New York Times called P.E.T. “a national movement.”

Now it’s been a little more than 46 years to the day since that first P.E.T. course began. And so much has happened since that day. Like every new idea, P.E.T. attracted a lot of imitators. In addition, people with very different views about how parents should raise their children came on the scene. Today, there are literally hundreds and perhaps thousands of parent training books and courses. Clearly, it’s an idea whose time has come.

Now, we know that parent training can have a major impact on how parents raise their children. There is overwhelming evidence that ineffective parenting is the cause of many of the problems that children and adolescents develop and struggle with throughout their lives. And we know that effective parenting can prevent many, if not most of these problems. In fact, it can do much more than that—effective parenting can create family relationships in which both parents and children can thrive.

With so many choices, how does a parent choose which model to follow?

Each model offers a specific philosophy of child-rearing and some offer skill training as well. There are several parent training models within which many parent training programs loosely fit. Most of them are based on the work of well-known and respected psychologists who have written books describing their theories. In most cases, their students and/or advocates developed courses for parents based on these theories.

Some of the courses advocate that parents be in control (autocratic), though the degree of control varies. Almost none advocate permissiveness. Some, like P.E.T., show parents how to have a collaborative, cooperative relationship with their children (democratic).

To help those parents faced with the daunting task of choosing a model, I have summarized the philosophy and skill training (if any) of some of the most well-known and/or current parenting models in an article, “How P.E.T. Compares to Other Parent Training Programs.”

How P.E.T. Compares to Other Parenting Programs

Programs Included in this comparison:

Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)

Nonviolent Communication (N.V.C.)

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (S.T.E.P.)

Active Parenting

Love and Logic

Triple P (Positive Parenting Program)

Dare to Discipline

Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.)

Author: Dr. Thomas Gordon

Philosophy: Democratic

Applies to All Relationships: Yes

Year of Origin: 1962

Book: Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), 1970, 2000.

Course: Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.), 1962, 1976, 1989, 2005.

Course Length: Eight 3-hour sessions

Summary of this Model:

This book and course offer a philosophy and set of communication and conflict resolution skills for helping parents develop and maintain a democratic, mutually satisfying relationships with their children and with each other. The conceptual model is the Behavior Window, a framework that Dr. Gordon developed for determining who owns the problem. Parents learn to use this window to help them to decide which skill to use depending on whose problem it is. There is heavy emphasis on learning the communication and conflict resolution skills so they can be used right away, both at home and in all relationships.

Main Concepts and Skills of this Model:

• Three types of parenting styles: Authoritarian, Permissive, Democratic

• Focus is on teaching the Democratic style

• No use of parental power; needs of both parent and child important; conflicts solved so both get their needs met

• Training is needed to learn any new skill

• Behavior Window provides a framework for dealing with all behaviors

• Problem Ownership

• Communication and Conflict Resolution skills to handle any relationship problem

• Acceptance of child as s/he is

• Acceptance demonstrated through Active Listening

• 12 Communication Roadblocks

• “Misbehavior” is the language of power

• Authentic, congruent expression of true feelings without blame

• Avoidance of labels and judgments

• Anger and what’s beneath it

• I-Messages vs. You-Messages

• Shifting gears to deal with resistance to I-Message

• Modifying the physical environment to prevent problems and conflicts

• Harmful effects of both rewards and punishments, including logical consequences and time-out

• Disadvantages of both strict and permissive parenting styles

• Win-lose conflict resolution methods as compared with the No-Lose Method

• Parents use influence, not control

• Family rule-setting; Principle of Participation

• Conflicts resolved so that the needs of both parent and child are important and both are satisfied with the solution; no one loses

• How to handle values differences through modeling, consulting, I-Messages.

Nonviolent Communication (N.V.C.)

Author: Dr. Marshall Rosenberg

Philosophy: Democratic

Applies to All Relationships: Yes

Year of Origin: 1975

Book: Nonviolent Communication: The Language of Life, 2003

Course: Nonviolent Communication

Course Length: 13 2/12hour sessions

Summary of this Model:

This book and course offers a philosophy for having more meaningful, deeper connections with children, other people and oneself. It focuses on needs—one’s own and those of the other person and makes a case for learning to communicate in ways that create harmony and peace between people instead of arguments, misunderstandings and even violence. And it demonstrates the attitudes and skills that are needed to have such relationships both in the family and with others.

Main Concepts and Skills of this Model:

• Observing behavior without evaluation

• Identifying and expressing feelings and needs without judging

• Taking responsibility for one’s feelings

• Receiving other’s communication empathically

• Reflecting back other’s feelings

• Self-counseling

• Avoiding self-judgment

• Expressing anger by connecting it with unmet needs

• Harmful effects of punishments and rewards

• Expressing appreciation vs. praise

P.E.T. as compared with N.V.C.

N.V.C. and P.E.T. are grounded in the same philosophy. They have quite different ways of presenting their models. Both Thomas Gordon and Marshall Rosenberg were students of Carl Rogers.

How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

Authors: Elaine Mazlich and Adele Faber

Philosophy: Democratic

Applies to All Relationships: Yes

Year of Origin: 1980

Book: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk, 1980

Course: How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk

Course Length: Six sessions, six 30-minute videos or audios.

Summary of this Model:

This book and course offer parents empathic listening skills, authentic self-disclosure and problem-solving skills for raising children with high self-esteem and autonomy. It focuses on helping a child view him/herself differently by letting go of old ineffective roles or labels and as a result have freedom to develop and change.

Main Concepts and Skills of this Model:

• Helping children deal with negative feelings

• Accepting and acknowledging children’s feelings

• Avoiding typical unhelpful ways to get children to cooperate

• Gaining cooperation by being congruent (describe the problem, express feelings)

• Instead of punishment, expressing feelings, stating expectations, telling child how to make amends, giving choices, taking action, problem solving

• Setting boundaries and limits.

• Encouraging autonomy by helping children function on their own

• Praising children by describing their behavior, not evaluating it.

• Avoiding labeling, allowing freedom for children to develop and change

P.E.T. as compared with How to Listen so Kids Will Talk…..

This model is based on the work of Dr. Haim Ginott (a student of Carl Rogers) and has a philosophy with some similarities to P.E.T.

Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (S.T.E.P.)

Authors: Dr. Don Dinkmeyer and Dr. Gary McKay

Philosophy: Democratic

Applies to all Relationships: No

Year of Origin: 1976

Book: The Parent’s Handbook: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (S.T.E.P.), 1997

Course: Systematic Training for Effective Parenting (S.T.E.P.)

Course Length: Nine 2-hour sessions

Summary of this Model:

This book and course focus on how children grow and behave, on misbehavior and effective ways to deal with it, on the importance of encouraging children and how to do that effectively, on listening to children with empathy and talking to them authentically. It deals with both Natural and Logical Consequences as alternatives to rewards and punishments in disciplining children. (Natural Consequences are those which occur naturally. Logical Consequences are those created by a parent in response to a child’s misbehavior.) It advocates family meetings (to plan for fun, to express feelings, to make decisions, to resolve conflicts).

Main Concepts and Skills of this Model:

• Three types of parents: Authoritarian, Permissive, Democratic

• Focus is on teaching the Democratic style

• Democratic style helps children become responsible by setting limits and giving choices within those limits

• Why children misbehave

• How to deal with misbehavior

• Setting limits

• Giving encouragement instead of praise

• Reflective listening

• Messages vs.You-Messages

• Problem Ownership

• Problem-Solving

• Family Meetings

• Giving choices

• Disadvantages of punishment

• Applying Logical Consequences as a way to discipline

• Logical Consequences different than Punishment

P.E.T. as compared with S.T.E.P.

S.T.E.P.’s focus is on why children misbehave and how parents can deal with misbehavior effectively. The S.T.E.P. program offers many of the P.E.T. skills in a shorter version including Problem Ownership, Active Listening, I-Messages, Problem Solving. While both programs are opposed to the use of rewards and punishments as a way of disciplining children, S.T.E.P. advocates the use of Logical Consequences. In the P.E.T. philosophy, Logical Consequences are a form of punishment. S.T.E.P. is a combination of parenting methods based on the work of Alfred Adler/Rudolf Dreikurs and Thomas Gordon.

Active Parenting

Author: Dr. Michael Popkin

Philosophy: Democratic

Applies to All Relationships: No

Date of Origin: 1983

Book: Active Parenting Now, 2002

Course: Active Parenting

Course Length: Six 2-hour sessions

Summary of this Model:

This video-based program is very similar to S.T.E.P., i.e. its foundation is based on the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs and it includes a major component of P.E.T. ideas and skills in an abbreviated form.

Main Concepts and Skills of this Model:

• Three types of parents: The Doormat, The Dictator, The Active Parent

• The Active Parenting style is described as “freedom within limits” (see S.T.E.P. above for other concepts and skills)

P.E.T. as compared with Active Parenting

(see S.T.E.P. above)

Love and Logic

Authors: Dr. Foster Cline and Jim Fay

Philosophy: Autocratic

Applies to all Relationships: No

Year of Origin: 1980

Book: Parenting with Love and Logic, 1990, 2006

Course: Love and Logic

Course Length: Six modules

Summary of this Model:

This book contains two parts, the first of which explains the authors’ parenting philosophy. The focus is on teaching children to be responsible by setting limits, giving choices and encouraging the child to think for him/herself. The other part of the book deals with common discipline problems and how to handle them. These 48 “pearls” give parents advice on what to do about such issues as: “allowances, anger, bedtime, bossiness, church, discipline 101, homework, nasty looks and negative body language, pacifiers, sassing and disrespect, spanking, temper tantrums, toilet training”.

Main Concepts and Skills of This Model:

• Three types of parents: Helicopter, Drill Sergeant and Consultant

• Consultant parent is the Love and Logic type: one who gives thoughtful guidance and imposes firm, enforceable limits

• Parents in control

• Problem ownership

• Setting limits by describing what parent will do or will allow

• Applying enforceable statements (“either…or…”)

• Using empathy to help children learn from consequences of their behavior

• Importance of child having positive self-concept

• Encouraging instead of praising

• Encouraging children to think for themselves

• Logical Consequences and time-out as methods of discipline when children misbehave

• Differences between Logical Consequences and punishment

P.E.T. as compared with Love and Logic

The Love and Logic model advocates that parents use their power to get children to obey, i.e., “healthy control”. It is based on the belief that this kind of discipline will teach children responsibility. P.E.T. is a model which advocates that parents not use their power to control their children. Instead, it advocates the use of communication and conflict resolution skills to influence children and empower them to become self-reliant, make positive decisions and control their own behavior.

Triple P (Positive Parenting Program)

Author: Dr. Matthew Sanders

Philosophy: Autocratic

Applies to All Relationships: No

Year of Origin: 1992

Book: Every Parent: A positive approach to children’s behaviour, 2004

Course: Triple P (Positive Parenting Program)

Course Length: Three 1 ½-hour sessions and other formats

Summary of this Model:

This book and course offers the concept of Constructive Parenting and defines that as a way of raising children to help them become socially and emotionally competent. Parents are in control; they set the rules and enforce them. How to deal with misbehavior is a main focus. The book contains chapters with age-specific advice on how to deal with such behaviors as crying, whining, temper tantrums, disobedience, interrupting, sleeping and bedtime problems, swearing and chores.

Main Concepts and Skills of This Model:

• Helping parents learn to teach children self-control, how to follow rules, behave acceptably and respect others

• Creating a safe, secure, engaging environment, i.e. interesting, amusing, purposeful activities

• Fostering a positive learning environment, i.e. giving recognition, encouragement, acknowledgment

• Using assertive discipline; dealing with disobedience and misbehavior

• Parents deal with misbehavior quickly, decisively and consistently

• Applying appropriate Logical Consequences so that children learn to accept responsibility for their own behavior

• Difference between assertive discipline and punishment

• Using rewards and praise (when children “behave”)

• Making behavior charts

• Parents set rules; enforce them

• Taking care of self as a parent, i.e., eating well, getting enough exercise and sleep, etc.

P.E.T. as compared with Triple P

The Triple P model advocates the idea that parents exercise control over their children, expect obedience and apply discipline when children misbehave. P.E.T. views the parent/child relationship from a different frame a reference and teaches parents how to have collaborative, cooperative relationships with their children. It teaches a non-power method of raising children and offers skills of empathic listening, honest, clear and non-blameful self-disclosure and conflict resolution skills.

Dare to Discipline

Author: Dr. James Dobson

Philosophy: Autocratic

Applies to All Relationships: No

Year of Origin: 1970

Books: Dare to Discipline, 1970, 1996, The Strong-Willed Child, 2004

The Strong-Willed Child Workbook, 2005

Course: Unknown

Course Length: Unknown

Summary of this Model:

This model is based on the idea that parents need to begin teaching respect for authority starting when children are very young. The main job of parents is to teach their children to obey. When they are “defiant” and don’t obey, parents should punish the disobedient child by spanking him/her. After such confrontation in which the parent has demonstrated his/her right to lead, it’s important to explain to the child why s/he was disciplined and to let the child know how much the parent loves him/her.

Main Concepts and Skills of this Model:

• Parents’ job is to shape the child’s will without breaking the spirit

• Parents in control; expect children to be obedient

• Children are willfully defiant

• Immediate proper response (punitive discipline) required when they’re defiant

• Compliant child is the goal

• Encourage normal curiosity; valuable means for learning

• Difference between crushing the will of a child and teaching the child to rein it in for his/her own good

• Logical Consequences

• Love and control present in balanced proportions.

• Anger is an ineffective tool

• Physical punishment

P.E.T. as compared with Dare to Discipline

Dare to Discipline comes from the point of view that the parent/child relationship is a contest of wills and that the parent must always win at all costs. It is imperative that a child be taught to obey. Dobson advocates the use of corporal punishment as the way of dealing with “defiance” and disobedience. This is the only model in this comparison that advocates physical punishment. P.E.T. shows parents how to have a relationship with their children that is based on mutual respect as opposed to obedience. It offers evidence about the harmful effects of punishment on children and on the relationship between parent and child. And it offers communication and conflict resolutions skills that make punishment (and rewards) unnecessary.

Do Parents Who Have Learned the Skills for Creating Democratic Family Environments Also Foster Good Health and Well-being in Their Children?

YES!

In a study that combined the findings from 26 independent studies produced these findings:

• P.E.T. trained parents showed improved scores on tests measuring "democratic ideals", acceptance and understanding of their children.

• The greatest effect of P.E.T. training was an increase in child self-esteem (Cedar, 1985).

In a classic study done many years ago, three types of families were compared: autocratic, permissive and democratic. Children of these families were tested periodically until they reached adolescence. The findings were:

• The IQ's of children decreased slightly in autocratic families, remained the same in permissive families, and increased on the average of eight IQ points in democratic families.

• Children in the democratic families were given higher ratings by their teachers in originality, planfulness, patience, curiosity and fancifulness.

• They held more leadership positions in school and scored higher in emotional adjustment and maturity (Baldwin, Kalhorn and Breese, 1945).

The idea that parents can actually make their children physically sick is not really surprising considering the intricate relationships between emotional stress and illness. Parental domination, punishment, criticism, restrictiveness, and rejection typically produce in children, fear, anger and frustration--behavioral manifestations of physiological stress. Certainly it is logical to assume that in families in which parents are less dominating and restrictive and more accepting, children would have a greater chance of growing up physically healthy and more resistive to physical illness.

Clinical evidence has shown that the feeling of losing control of one's life, of one's destiny, can be a cause of poor mental health--particularly depression, anxiety and stress. At the core of the F.E.T. blueprint is the value of promoting children's self-control versus adult control, inner control versus external control. Social scientist have recently become very interested in this issue, using the term "fate control." Autocratic teachers and parents who rely heavily on external control of children produce students with feelings of dependence and lack of fate control. Democratic teachers and parents who give children a lot of freedom and responsibility make children feel they are the ones responsible for the control of their destiny (Baumrind, 1971).

Are There Benefits To a Democratic Relationship?

Long-range Benefits of Democratic Relationships

Over the years I have come to believe more and more strongly that democratic relationships make people healthier--both physically and emotionally. They foster well-being, self-esteem, self-confidence and self-discipline.

On the other hand non-democratic relationships make people unhealthy. They produce both physical and emotional illness, low self-esteem, lack of confidence, aggression, rebellion, violence and lack of self-discipline. They produce delinquent, violent youth.

We see it in organizations. One study found that managers who use a democratic leadership style and practice "participative management" develop workers with high productivity and morale, low turnover, fewer grievances and low absenteeism. They feel better about themselves, like to go to work, have more self-esteem and self-confidence, less sense of powerlessness and fewer illnesses (Simmons and Mares, 1983).

We also see it in schools. In a study involving 600 teachers and 10,000 students from kindergarten through grade 12, the students whose teachers were trained in the skill of communicating empathic understanding (i.e. Active Listening) respect and regard for students as persons were compared with students whose teachers were not trained in those skills (Aspy and Roebuck, 1983). Students of the trained teachers were found to:

• Miss fewer days of school during the year (four fewer days per child)

• Make greater gains on academic achievement measures, including both math and reading scores

• Be more spontaneous and use higher levels of thinking

• Increase their scores on IQ tests (from kindergarten through fifth grade)

• Make gains in creativity scores from September to May

• Show increased scores on self-esteem measures

• Commit fewer acts of vandalism to school property

• Present fewer disciplinary problems

The study also found that teachers who were trained in the helping skills had classrooms in which there was:

• More student talk
• More student problem solving
• More student verbal initiation
• More verbal response to the teacher
• More student asking of questions
• More student involvement in learning
• More eye contact with teacher
• More physical movement
• Higher levels of cognitive thinking
• Greater creativity

Do parents who have learned the skills for creating democratic family environments also foster good health and well-being in their children?

Find out on tomorrow's post!

Being an effective parent isn't a matter of luck

Being an Effective Parent Isn't a Matter of Luck

Parenthood need not be a difficult and demanding experience that brings problems, worries and anxiety. One survey by parent trainer, Dr. Harold Minden, found that the responses of hundreds of parents to the question, "How would you rate your parenting experience?" were as follows:


22% answered "fulfilling and positive"
37% answered "moderately fulfilling"
41% answered "frustrating and negative"


Dr. Minden also found that 69% of the satisfied parents said they would enroll in a parent training course, but only 37% of the frustrated and negative parents said they would do so. It appeared they did not recognize the need for assistance in parenting. Those parents typically think that how kids turn out is outside their control--a matter of luck. Many of them rely on the same method of raising children and dealing with problems in their families that were used by their parents and grandparents even though they know these methods don't work.

We now know without a doubt that parents who take training and learn how to create democratic, non-authoritarian relationships with both their spouses and their children will build happy marriages and create a "new species of children." Here is a list of the characteristics of this new species:

-They get their own needs get met, yet are sensitive when others may be affected negatively.
-They are very sensitive to all forms of unfairness they see in their world.
-They treat their friends the way they have been treated at home--they are good listeners, good counselors, good at expressing themselves, good at solving problems, and good at resolving conflicts with others.
-They are mature for their age, fun-loving, playful.
-They want their needs met, yet are unselfish, altruistic and giving to others.
-They have less need to be dependent on other people--yet they have friendships and make friends easily.
-They are less afraid of being laughed at, less afraid of what people will say, more individualistic.
-They are relatively unfrightened by the unknown, and they don't just cling to the familiar.
-They have a high degree of self-acceptance--accepting the way they are, yet this somehow frees them to change and improve themselves.

Raising children who develop these characteristics takes time and commitment. There's no gimmick or quick way to do it. Parents who take the time to understand and then put what they learn into practice are richly rewarded, usually far beyond their hopes and expectations.