Jun 24, 2010

How Do You Coach/Talk to Your Soccer Team?

We would like to share a great testimonial/letter we received from our friends from down under. A P.E.T. Instructor from Australia recently held a P.E.T. course and here is a great e-mail letter the soccer dad/coach sent to the parents of his soccer team:

We hope you enjoy the letter as much as we did! :)


You may have noticed that I take a slightly unorthodox approach to the way I communicate with the boys and discipline the team. This is because I have almost finished a Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.) course, which was recommended to me.
I very highly recommend the course to all parents and wish it were a compulsory course for all parents to do. The course has caused me to completely re-evaluate the relationships I have with my children (and my partner and other children) and has had a profound impact on the way our family now communicates.
My wife and I have found that:
  • We are much more aware of our children's behaviour, and how our level of acceptance dictates how we respond - we now have a much broader level of acceptance which means less unnecessary conflict (sometimes we used to say NO for no good reason).
  • We have learned how to actively listen to our children and identify their real needs, not just react to the behaviour they are displaying at the time
  • We have learned how to understand and convey our needs to our children, so that they will initiate and willingly modify their own behaviour to accommodate our needs, without us ordering them to do it (sounds too good to be true!).
  • We have learned how to problem solve with our children to get a win-win outcome
  • We now have almost no need to use physical force to change our childrens' behaviours - ie no pulling, pushing or holding against their will.
  • We have much more meaningful and deep conversations with our children and they are willing to tell us about things they were previously fearful to share and there is still a week to go.....
We have noticed real changes in ourselves and in our children - there is much less shouting, less tantrums, less fighting, and less stress. Our children (9, 5 and 3) have told us how they like the change a lot. Even my 3-year-old son’s play schoolteacher has commented that he is much less aggressive, more considerate and more cuddly than he used to be (he used to be a "problem" child).
It is a very well established course (30 years in Australia).
I recommend it to all parents, and if possible both parents should do the course together, but if you can't manage that then one should do it. It's well worth the time and money. The course books out fast so act soon.

Much happier Parent

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