What Are Your Favorite Roadblocks?

I've learned many ways to "help" my friends, family, co-workers with their problems, but without realization that many of my "helping responses" are "Roadblocks". Yikes!

What are your favorite Roadblocks to use with your children?

I like to share with you a few of my favorite Roadblocks and what the affects are if/when I were to use them.

Roadblock #4: Advising, Giving Solutions - "What I would do is..." "Why don't you..." "Let me suggest..."

• Can imply child is not able to solve own problems
• Prevents child from thinking through a problem, considering alternative solutions, and trying them out for reality
• Can cause dependency, or resistance

Roadblock #5: Persuading With Logic, Arguing - "Here is why you are wrong..." "The facts are..." "Yes, but..."

• Provokes defensive position and counter arguments
• Often causes child to "turn off" parent, to quit listening
• Can cause child to feel inferior, inadequate

Roadblock #7: Praising, Agreeing - "Well, I think you're doing a great job!" "You're right!--that teacher sounds awful!"

• Implies high parental expectations and possible future evaluation
• Can be seen as patronizing or as a manipulative effort to encourage desired behavior
• Can cause anxiety when child's perception of self doesn't match parent's praise

Roadblock #11: Probing and Questioning - "Why...?" "Who...?" "What did you...?" "How...?"

• Since answering questions often results in getting subsequent criticisms or solutions, children often learn to reply with non-answers, avoidance, half-truths, or lies
• Since questions often keep the child in the dark as to what the parent is driving at, the child may become anxious and fearful
• Child can lose sight of his or her problem while answering questions spawned by the parent's concerns*

*Examples from Dr. Thomas Gordon's P.E.T. Participant Workbook

Been ROADBLOCKED lately?

If you have read P.E.T. or have attended a P.E.T. class, you are probably very familiar with these nasty obstacles that can stop effective communication in its tracks.

The roadblocks come in 12 different varieties: Ordering, Warning, Moralizing, Advising, Using logic, Criticizing, Praising, Labeling, Analyzing, Reassuring, Questioning, and Avoiding.

What is a time you were roadblocked, and how did it make you feel? Or, can you remember a time you roadblocked someone else, and how they reacted?