The Six Steps of the No-Lose Method

The following describes the six steps of the No-Lose Method:

Setting the Stage

Before using the No-Lose Method, the people involved need to understand the method and commit to using it to resolve the conflict.

Step 1: Defining the Problem

This is the most important step. Each person needs to state their problem in a way that doesn't blame or judge the other person. I-Messages are the most effective way to do this.

When the other person states his/her problem you need to Active Listen to make sure you understand the other's needs.

Take enough time to get the problem defined as needs rather than solutions so that both agree on the problem to be solved.

Step 2: Brainstorm Solutions

In this creative part of conflict resolution, both people think of as many ideas and possible solutions as they can. There's no evaluation of solutions in this step. Agree to that!

Step 3: Evaluate Solutions

Now both people think about which solutions might work and which won't. Cross of solutions that won't work for one or both people. Test out the possible solutions by asking. "Any reason it might not work?"

Step 4: Choose a Solution

Both people agree on a solution or combination of solutions. Someone needs to state the solutions to make sure both agree. Don't try to push a solution--both need to freely choose.

Step 5: Plan for and Take Action

In this step, you both decide Who does What by When to carry out the agreed-on solution. It's best to trust that both will do what they agreed instead of talking about what will happen if they don't.

Step 6: Check Results

Both need to agree to check back at a later time to make sure the solution worked/is working for both people.*

*Excerpt from Dr. Thomas Gordon's F.E.T. Young Adult Resource Book