Become a P.E.T. Instructor

It's been years since we've done this, but since so many have been asking, what better year to schedule an Instructor Training Workshop than the year of our 50th Anniversary?

The cat's out of the bag - We've officially scheduled a P.E.T. Instructor Training Workshop for anyone interested in becoming one of our Certified Instructors.

This P.E.T. ITW will take place over the course of five days from October 29th - November 2, 2012 and will be held on the bay of the historical downtown San Diego, CA. This five-day intensive workshop will give you all of the skills and materials necessary in order to become one of our Certified P.E.T

Since 2012 marks the 50th Anniversary of P.E.T., this celebratory workshop will hold a few extra special events, including a cocktail hour and a meet-and-greet with the President of Gordon Training International who was the wife of the late Dr. Thomas Gordon.

The tuition for this workshop is $1,795 and includes your new P.E.T. Instructor Kit. The Instructor Kit contains all of the learning materials that you will need for the training itself, as well as the Instructor Materials necessary for holding your future P.E.T. workshops. Special room rates are available at the hotel where the ITW will take place.


It will likely be another few years until we offer this training again and on top of that, this special edition P.E.T. workshop will not be held again until...our 100th Anniversary? :)

Don't miss out on your opportunity to hold this prestigious title, and teach others the truly life-changing skills of Parent Effectiveness Training.

For more information, please email us at family@gordontraining.com.

How Do Children React to Control?

How Children Really React to Control

by Thomas Gordon, Ph.D.

When one person tries to control another, you can always expect some kind of reaction from the controllee. The use of power involves two people in a special kind of relationship - one wielding power, and the other reacting to it.

This seemingly obvious fact is not usually dealt with in the writings of the dare-to-discipline advocates. Invariably, they leave the child out of the formula, omitting any reference to how the youngster reacts to the control of his or her parents or teachers.

They insist, "Parents must set limits," but seldom say anything about how children respond to having their needs denied in this way. "Parents should not be afraid to exercise their authority," they counsel, but rarely mention how youngsters react to authority-based coercion. By omitting the child from the interaction, the discipline advocates leave the impression that the child submits willingly and consistently to adults' power and does precisely what is demanded.

These are actual quotes from the many power-to-the-parent books I've collected along the way:

• "Be firm but fair."
• "Insist that your children obey."
• "Don't be afraid to express disapproval by spanking."
• "There are times when you have to say 'no'."
• "Discipline with love."
• "Demonstrate your parental right to lead."
• "The toddler should be taught to obey and yield to parental leadership."

What these books have in common is advocacy of the use of power-based discipline with no mention of how children react to it. In other words, the dare-to-discipline advocates never present power-based discipline in full, as a cause-and-effect phenomenon, an action-and-reaction event.

This omission is important, for it implies that all children passively submit to adult demands, perfectly content and secure in an obedient role, first in relationships with their parents and teachers and, eventually, with all adult power-wielders they might encounter.

However, I have found not a shred of evidence to support this view. In fact, as most of us remember only too well from our childhood, we did almost anything we could to defend against power-based control. We tried to avoid it, postpone it, weaken it, avert it, escape from it. We lied, we put the blame on someone else, we tattled, hid, pleaded, begged for mercy, or promised we would never do it again.

We also experienced punitive discipline as embarrassing, demeaning, humiliating, frightening, and painful. To be coerced into doing something against our will was a personal insult and an affront to our dignity, an act that devalued the importance of our needs.

Punitive discipline is by definition need-depriving as opposed to need-satisfying. Recall that punishment will be effective only if it is felt by the child as aversive, painful, unpleasant. When controllers employ punishment, they always intend for it to cause pain or deprivation. It seems so obvious, then, that children don't ever want punitive discipline, contrary to what its advocates would have us believe. No child "asks for it," "feels a need for it," or is "grateful for it." And it is probably true, too, that no child ever forgets or forgives a punitive parent or teacher. This is why I find it incredible that the authors of power-to-the-parent books try to justify power-based discipline with such statements as:

• "Kids not only need punishment, they want it."
• "Children basically want what is coming to them, good or bad, because justice is security."
• "Punishment will prove to kids that their parents love them."
• "The youngster who knows he deserves a spanking appears almost relieved when it finally comes."
• "Rather than be insulted by the discipline, [the child] understands its purpose and appreciates the control it gives him over his own impulses."
• "Corporal punishment in the hands of a loving parent is entirely different in purpose and practice [from child abuse]....One is an act of love; the other is an act of hostility."
• "Some strong-willed children absolutely demand to be spanked, and their wishes should be granted."
• "Punishment will make children feel more secure in their relationship."
• "Discipline makes for happy families; healthy relationships."*

*Writings from Dr. Thomas Gordon

My P.E.T. Instructor Training Workshop Experience

Hello everyone! My name is Stephanie, and I am the new contact at Gordon Training International for P.E.T., Be Your Best, and T.E.T. (Teacher Effectiveness Training). I joined the GTI family in September, and the last two months have been an amazing, ongoing learning experience.

Towards the end of October, I had the opportunity to attend a five-day intensive P.E.T. Instructor Training Workshop. I left expecting to gain a more comprehensive understanding of what it might be like to teach P.E.T. and attend one of these workshops; I returned feeling not only that I had learned a tremendous amount, but that I had just experienced something life-changing.

(Our fantastic, fun workshop group! clockwise from bottom right: Sonal, Margaret, Rosie, Guy, Judi, our trainer Steve, and me)

The workshop was far more interactive than I thought any workshop for adults could be! Somewhere between all of the one-on-one attention our master trainer, Steve, offered each of us, the educational (and often hilarious) role-playing exercises, the feedback from my classmates, their student teaching sessions and my own, the days flew by, and I identified my strengths and my weaknesses. I found myself active listening successfully, and able to give myself feedback on how my I-Messages could have been better. I caught myself using roadblocks and then later, stopping myself before I used them; I knew when and how to shift gears.

role play!

As the week progressed, I saw the magic of P.E.T. come to life. I got to test my skills in a safe environment, and use them in real-life situations with my classmates and instructor. My classmates and I learned a lot from interacting with each other and had almost as many questions for each other as we did for the instructor.

at left: Judi's student teaching session, engaging the class in an exercise

Between the the fresh perspective our trainer offered on P.E.T. and being surrounded by 5 fellow enthusiastic P.E.T. instructor candidates, I left Tampa feeling inspired, self-aware, overjoyed, enthusiastic, happily exhausted, and confident in my understanding of all of the P.E.T. skills and in my ability to teach P.E.T. too.

It has been a little over three weeks since the workshop, and I'm still finding my feelings hard to put into words. This workshop was so much more than a workshop for me. I will forever be grateful for this experience. I use my P.E.T. skills every day and I can't imagine life without them now.

And while I intended to attend the workshop solely so that I would better be able to relate to those interested in attending a P.E.T. Instructor Training Workshop and answer their questions, I came away with a desire to share P.E.T. with others and a confidence in my ability to do so. (Part of this confidence comes from the P.E.T. wisdom that we are all human, and no one is perfect!) I would very much like to begin teaching P.E.T., and hope to do so in the spring.

Overall, my experience of a P.E.T. Instructor Training Workshop was extremely positive, emotionally engaging, and one-hundred percent motivating. I would love, love, love to go back!

Until then, I'll be here in sunny San Diego, practicing my P.E.T. skills and encouraging each of you who feels P.E.T. should be shared with the world to attend one of these amazing workshops, or to blog about your own P.E.T. experiences!

Cheers,
Stephanie :)