We've shared many stories of "others" here - now's the time to talk about Y-O-U. (Don't worry - we will keep you anonymous if you'd like!)
For the next several weeks, GTI would like to offer this blog as a platform for you to send us your parenting questions, concerns or any issue that you're "stumped" on how to deal with.
All questions can be submitted in the comment box below and your name can be left anonymous if you prefer. We've changed the settings here so that you don't have to sign in anywhere in order to comment.
Just remember - if you do choose to ask us a question anonymously, you will have to come back and check to see if your question was answered. And to receive your book and sticker, send us an email with your shipping info to family@gordontraining.com
Questions will be answered once per week, and those whose questions are used here will receive a free P.E.T. book and this bumper sticker:
Tune in next week with the first Q&A post and giveaway!
While reading P.E.T. I had many a-hah moments more so when I remembered going on L.E.T. years earlier. But I'm still frustrated in implementing some of this with low verbal toddlers. I'm working on it though, making mistakes but still trying. Any extra information would be appreciated even better if it helps me deal with twin toddlers with different base personalities (which is a good thing) and different levels of verbal abilities.
ReplyDeleteMy specific question revolves around those things that are direct safety issues. No, they don't "have" to hold my hand while crossing a road but they can't dash across the street on their own. Yes, they can fill and turn on the kettle but they can't play in the water that comes out of it (no matter how much they scream). How do I get across that something is dangerous without demonstrating the consequences (fire burns, sharp knives poked into your brother will cut him etc). I want them to question things but there really are some things around safety where mommy does know best.
I have a kind of unique situation, I suppose it could be similar to divorced parents with joint custody. I am the legal guardian of my 13 year old sister in law (my husband and I are both 23 years old), every other weekend she goes to visit her father and his fiancee. Her soon to be stepmom has 5 kids, one of which is a 13 year old girl who my sister in law has told me is very promiscuous (looks/dresses/acts older, approaches older men etc). When my sister in law goes to her fathers on the weekends, her and her stepsister sleepover the girl's friend's house (who I do not know) and no one ever checked in with me to make sure it was ok. More recently though I found out they allowed the two girls to go to the movies alone AND to a rated R movie! Again, no one ever checked in with me. I understand at 13 its common for kids to go to the movies without parents but I only permit this during the day (not until 11PM) and with a group of friends, but I ABSOLUTELY do not allow her to see rated R movies unless I have viewed them first and think that shes mature enough to handle whatever it is giving it the R rating. I'm not sure what to do, because I am technically not the "parent" she lives with me and I am trying so hard to bring her up right, to make up for all the crap she had to go through to get to the point of wanting to live with my husband and I. I'm not sure if I should confront her father or not, I do not want to offend anyone by saying that I think his fiancee's daughter could be a bad influence or even worse, put my sister in law in danger with risque behavior. I also think that he may get defensive about me telling him that our house rules should extend to her weekends at his house. What do I do?!
ReplyDeleteHow do I manage my teen's displaced anger, frustration and/or disappointment by a non-functioning parent that's misdirected towards the functioning parent (me) ?
ReplyDeleteAs the functioning parent, I mean the one who ensures their child's safe by checking in with friends parents to sure up their
whereabouts'; connecting with their teacher's, helping them with homework, taking them to the doctors, dentist, orthodontist;
encouraging and supporting their interest's, ie: sports and music lessons; welcoming their friends to dinner, sleep-over's;
are just a few 'extras' on top of basic 'requirements' of a parent providing a safe, secure, stable home where they're wanted and loved.
What can I do when I'm faced with my teen holding me to what feels are impossible parenting standards yet has the capacity to avoid, overlook and/or accept with ease their dysfunctional parents personal limitation's.
Any suggestions how I can minimize the pain and confusion this pattern creates will be greatly appreciated !