As I was reading the questions and the comments from other Mommies that can empathize with "Daughter Distant", I found comment #39 by "Tess" sharing her "real life experience" with PET:
"Having had three teenagers, I believe that good communication between parent and child is a learned behavior for both and works best when it begins early on. I always insisted that we sit down to dinner together and used that time to work on conversation between us. We all "learned" to listen and to speak our views. Also, when I felt overwhelmed with the anger of my first and oldest teen, I began learning PET (Parent Effectiveness Training). It was a lifesaver, and takes practice, but truly works. Just learning how to begin a conversation so as not to be perceived as a threat to the other person did not come naturally to me, but after trying it out, it became a skill that has been helpful in many relationships. Prior to learning some of their techniques, I might begin a conversation with something like, " Why are you so angry?" or "You are always so angry." After learning PET, I began to say something like, "You don't seem very happy," Believe it or not, just a small change like that has a huge effect on how your statement to your child is perceived by him and it gives him or her an opportunity to respond, rather than going into automatic defense or deflect mode. Anyone having problems communicating with their kids, might want to pick up a copy of PET (Parent Effectiveness Training) and give it a try. It was written decades ago, but remains one of the best, most useful and most helpful parenting books I've ever read."
Thanks Tess! And fellow PET Bloggers, please note that while the PET book was published many decades ago (1970), there is a 30-year anniversary edition—totally revised and updated available. It’s also on iTunes and audiobook.com and available on CD from Gordon Training International or from any on-line bookstore