How Many Parts to an I-Message?

I-Messages Usually Have Three-Parts

Here's the formula:

I feel.................................

(your feeling)

when you........................

(unacceptable behavior)

because..........................

(effect on you)

OR

When you............................

(unacceptable behavior)

I feel...................................

(your feeling)

because.............................

(effect on you)

Here's an example of an effective I-Message:

Situation:

You drive to school every day and your best friend rides with you. Lately, your friend has not been ready when you stop to get him. You have to wait for him and a couple of times you have barely made it to class on time.

I-Message:

"When you don't come out at 8:30 when I honk my horn, I have to wait for you, and I'm worried I'll be later for first period."*

*Excerpt from Dr. Thomas Gordon's F.E.T. Young Adult Resource Book