Apr 6, 2011

Families Need Dialogue

Dialogue is to love what blood is to your body. When dialogue stops, love dies and resentment is born.

Dialogue has risks, unfortunately. However, when two or more people decide to do it and accept their fear of the risks, dialogue will bring important rewards.

This is the miracle of dialogue: it can bring relationships into being, and it can bring into being once again a relationship that has died.
(Reuel Howe, 1963)

Newborn infants and their parents begin a lifesaving series of dialogues. The infant communicates his/her needs and Mom or Dad responds by feeding, bathing, cuddling, talking or singing. These behaviors communicate the message that the parent loves him/her. Should the parent be rough, irritable or neglectful, the child will feel unloved and unaccepted. To speak the words of love in a dialogue is to be loved as well as to love.

The relationship between a man and a woman can communicate such mutual love by means of dialogue. The marriage vows are a first commitment to this kind of love-producing dialogue. In fact, Dr. Gordon's Credo promises that each will share their needs "openly and honestly, trusting you will listen with empathy and understanding." And every aspect of the marriage relationship needs dialogue: planning together, sharing individual experiences, choosing agreed-upon responsibilities, discussing their sexual relations, conveying both their joys and problems.

An excerpt from the F.E.T. Adult Resource Book


  1. hi,I have a question please.
    if my child is sitting and playing in the computer all day long,who owes the problem in this case, according to the "problem ownership"?

  2. Hi Nino,
    Thank you for your question. In order to figure out "Who Owns the Problem", first ask yourself if this behavior is conflicting with one of your needs causing you time, energy or money? Is the fact that your child is on the computer all day long getting in the way of something that you need to do? If the answer is yes, then you own the problem. But if your child needs to be using the computer, then you both own the problem. Also keep in mind conflict of needs problems versus conflict of values problems.

  3. thank you for answer
    but the problem is that, my child wants to play on the computer or chat all day long till late night. I don't have any particular need rejected, i just want him to be spend his time better (reading or learning).
    is not it my problem, when my child is having a serious risk of his future life?

    thank you again.
    I will wait for your answer please

  4. Hi again Nino,

    Please read the latest post published yesterday. If you have other questions, please let us know.

  5. thank you the latest post answers all that questions that I have about this issue


Thanks for commenting! - P.E.T.